[why? i suppose…]

How can someone so involved in their passion, like dance, or blogging, suddenly disappear off the map? “Snap, she’s gone, doesn’t blog in months…gosh, where did she go? I suppose she lost her spark and her inspiration.” Honestly, whether you are thinking that doesn’t much matter to me. I’m not who you see of me, or read of me, or imagine me to be.

This isn’t just my story. I’ve thought this about many people or blogs I see that have been deleted or abandoned. “Why is this person gone? He/she is longer inspired, I suppose. That’s too bad.” But in reality, the identity that we demonstrate for others, especially online, is vastly different from our real life. We judge others by what we see or read of them. I know I do, many times without thinking. The lives that Internet Dominators, celebrities, and even normal people show on the outside, albeit interesting, inspiring, or depressing, are merely a picture from their “best angle,” or, rather, the angle they want you to see. I can guarantee that every writer or blogger you come across has hidden secrets that no one knows or can determine from what they read. Their writing, even if it is deep and heartfelt, can’t entirely depict how they truly live and feel, because they refine their words into what they want you, the reader, to see. You can only find complete genuinity in a face to face relationship.

Me, you ask? I’ve moved on to greater things, and I have stronger passions than what I used to have. Sure, I’m not writing, but that doesn’t mean my life is any less exciting than it was when I posted every week, or every day. If anything, it’s more compelling by far. If you want to hear about my life, please ask, and I’ll be more than happy to tell you, personally. In the meantime, the life that I live and the passions I am pursuing are inequivalent to what anyone sees or reads about, and as I have grown up, I no longer feel that it’s necessary to blast my words out loud for everyone to hear. Honestly, the season when I was an avid blogger was a time in my life that I needed to connect with those beyond my physical reach, because at the time there weren’t many people who I could reach out to in my personal life. Now, I live in a season where the people around me and close to me take priority, and the relationships I have cultivated in the past years strengthen me in a similar way that being an inspiration to my readers strengthened me in the past. It wasn’t completely fulfilling, but it was what I needed at that point in my life, and I truly needed the people with whom I connected.

By the way, just because I may stop doing something on a regular basis doesn’t mean my passion for it has died, or that I have a less interesting life, and just because I’m pursuing different dreams doesn’t mean I’ve burned away the old ones. Hence, I’m writing a blog post now, but only because I have something to say. In addition, the things I write and pour my heart into aren’t always for everyone to see–oftentimes they are solely for me. I stopped taking dance classes partly because of my schedule, and partly because it was time to move on, but that doesn’t mean I lost my passion for dance. I still love it, and I have found that teaching dance and choreographing really inspires me. My passions aren’t something that simply leave my heart. They are eternal.

I’ve put some dreams on the back burner for now, but many new ones have come into play: college classes during high school, becoming a worship leader, wanting to become a speech therapist when I graduate, and mentoring others with excellence in dance and music. Writing music. Learning about the world around me. Loving the people around me. Trusting more. Shaping my own character even in the mundanest of tasks.

So you see, I may not post often, or ever, but I am pursuing my dreams whether anyone even reads my blog or not. Who I am does not equal what others think of me, even in my non-internet life. Who I am depends on me, and on God. I want to encourage you through this. Who you are is important. The people around you can only influence and change you if you let them. I’ve learned that one, for sure. I’m not saying don’t let them. I’m just saying follow your heart, and let yourself be affected by people, places, and things that inspire you to become stronger. If your heart is pursuing something merely to appease others, you might want to reconsider your motives. Ultimately, God is your only audience. My desire is to live my life to His glory, to become who He has destined me to be, and not to live for the world to watch me.

What about you?


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